What is sex positivity?
While it’s got the word “sex” in it, sex positivity is about so much more than the act of sex itself. It’s about the way we understand consent, the way we respect sexual diversity, our relationships with our bodies, and more. Whether we’re aware of it or not, all of us are either sex positive or sex negative. So, what exactly do these terms mean?
Sex Negativity
“Sex negativity is the belief we have, consciously or not, that sex is harmful, shameful, gross, disgusting, or sinful and so, can only be ok if its controlled by strict norms.”1
Sex Positivity
“Sex positivity considers sexuality as a natural, normal, healthy, and pleasurable part of being alive, of being human. Sex-positivity means having positive and respectful attitudes about sex and sexuality.”1
Being sex positive doesn’t mean thinking that everyone should be having more sex, or that everyone has to be in an open relationship. Rather, being sex positive means normalizing all consensual sexual behaviour and desires, whether or not they appeal to us personally.
Learn more about sex positivity from sexuality educator Nadine Thornhill, Ed.D in this video:
What do sex negativity and sex positivity look like?
While these terms refer to ideologies, they manifest in our society in several ways. Here are some examples.
Sex negative attitudes and behaviours
- Believing in a hierarchy of sexual acts (for example, the idea that only penetrative sex “counts” as “real” sex)
- Believing that only sex between certain people (usually heterosexual, married, monogamous, of a certain age) is normal
- Sex education based on abstinence, heteronormativity and cisnormativity, or that focuses on the risks of sex
- Viewing STIs as embarrassing, shameful, and a punishment for having sex
- Shaming certain sexual behaviours and relationship structures
- Believing that certain sexual acts lessen a person’s inherent worth (for example, sex before marriage, sex work, kink, and same-gender sex), especially if the person is a woman
- Conversations about sex and masturbation being taboo
Sex positive attitudes and behaviours
- Recognizing that sexual acts don’t exist on a hierarchy
- Recognizing that all consensual sexual behaviour and desires are okay
- Holistic sex education, including 2SLGBTQIA+ inclusion and discussions about sexual pleasure
- Recognizing that STIs are not a moral failing, and that they are treatable
- Supporting everyone’s control over their own sexual identities, behaviours, and relationships structures (including asexuality, celibacy, promiscuity, monogamy, polyamory, etc.)
- Believing that everyone has inherent worth as a person, regardless of which sexual acts they have or haven’t engaged in, and regardless of their gender
- Encouraging healthy, open, age-appropriate conversations about sex and masturbation
What does sex positivity have to do with sexual violence prevention and response?
Preventing and responding to sexual violence, and sex positivity are not mutually exclusive. In fact, it’s important to use a sex-positive framework in sexual violence prevention and response work.
Sex positivity encourages everyone to have their own healthy relationship to their bodies and to sex. Through holistic, inclusive, and pleasure-based sex education, youth learn what their boundaries are and can communicate them to potential partners, as well as respect their partners’ boundaries. Respecting boundaries is central to consent and, by extension, to sexual violence prevention.
In our largely sex-negative culture, those who experience sexual violence often feel shame for what happened to them. They also might feel it’s inappropriate to disclose what happened because conversations about sex are taboo. Encouraging healthy conversation about sex can empower survivors to seek out the support they need.
1Action Canada for Sexual Health and Rights. (n.d.) Sex positive parenting. https://www.actioncanadashr.org/resources/sexual-health-info/hub/sex-positive-parenting